I danced at a club when I turned 18 to pay off my drug debts so I wouldn't keep on being stalked by my dealer (I know I used to be a bad girl :( ) Now it was a tasteful club meaning we didn't show any boobs or anything... just erotic lap dances. Now I have been drug and strip free for 7 years and married for 2. My husband "kind of" knows about my history. He knows that I danced but didn't know I was a hard core drug user. Well my problem is that he has a long lost cousin I just was told about that went away for a while because of his drug use and come to find out that was one of my exes. He gets out in about 6 months and my husband is soo excited about me meeting him. Everythings going to come out so how should I tell him about all this?! I know he's already going to be mad I wasn't straight up about my past but I am not proud of what I used to do! Help!
I used to be a dancer and now what? Princess, first..congrats on being for the 7 years of sobriety..
Second, I am a former "stripper". Lived the lifestyle for over 24yrs. I am also clean and sober as well, got it together in 1998..In december it will be 9 years:)
You got to tell him, at least this. I don't agree with "spilling" your guts about too much of the past. It's been my experience that these things can be used as ammunition--later. I also beleive that not all stories are meant to be re-told. Also, you can be honest about yourself without disclosing everything about your past. I have mixed feelings about this subject.
BUT, in this situation, don't set yourself up for him to be now "doubting" what else you have not told him. Just pick a moment REAL SOON and tell him. You don't want this whole thing to "blow-up" in your face. You haven't lied. Nor have you been deceitful, yet. If it comes out before you get a chance to tell him he'l feel deceived and lied to. You really have no other choice, you have to be honest. I mean he is going to say: "why did you not tell me before now" ? and you counter by saying: " I did not KNOW he was a friend of yours and now that I realize this, I'm telling you now..."
Don't let him find out from any other source except you. Girl I been there, I'm with you in spirit. I find that for me, if the situation calls for an explanation, give it. Also, after our lifestlyles, we have to be up-front about stuff bc we are always "suspect" when "weird" stuff occurs, you dig me?
Good luck and remember you are telling him the truth. HE may 'buck' a little bit, be prepared for him to be a little stung by the truth, but BE ENCOURAGED. You are doing the right thing. AND GOOD GIRL ON THE SOBRIETY!!
I used to be a dancer and now what? Sit him down and come clean about your past. It's better that he hears it from you NOW than from the cousin. Just explain to him why you kept it from him, and how hard you've been working to leave that past behind you.
Good luck!
I used to be a dancer and now what? I think this is something your husband should have already known about, then he would have been better prepared for such a meeting. The past always comes back to haunt you in the end. Time for you and hubby to have a heart to heart chat.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Just tell him about it. That's all in the past and you're not the same person you were then. He should understand.
I used to be a dancer and now what? the best thing to do is just be honest with him as soon as possible the quicker the better and the longer you wait the worse off things will be
I used to be a dancer and now what? hah. that sucks. don't let him hear bad shyte about you from anyone but you. when things are out of control, take control.
I used to be a dancer and now what? You have to be honest. Tell him everything before he finds out from someone else. He's already going to be upset that you didn't confront him about your past earlier, but he would be more mad if you didn't tell him now. Let him know how ashamed you are of your past and that you tried to just put it behind you.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Be 100% honest NOW.
I used to be a dancer and now what? wow that is the hardest question i have ever seen on here. I dont even no how to go about that,. But tell him everything now. Dont keep things from him. Thts messed up. Tell him now.....
I used to be a dancer and now what? Sit down and talk to him soon. Tell him that's a time in your life you'd put behind you and wanted it to be 100% over and moved on from, so you didn't share it with him because it's not part of who you are now.
Be honest about it...and learn the lesson that secrets almost always come out at some point. Better to be up front from the get-go, than be forced into telling when you're not really prepared to (or having someone out you).
Good luck! (and congrats on staying clean)閳?br>I used to be a dancer and now what?
just tell him that the past is the past and just tell him about the past
I used to be a dancer and now what? Girl, u need to come clean and let your hubby know.
If he loves you, he will stick with you.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Tell him before his cousin has a chance to spill your beans. It'll be way worse for him to hear it from someone other than you. Be honest and tell him everything. If he does love you, he'll love you no matter what your past is.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Best to go ahead and tell him now. You don't want him hearing it from the cousin. Just tell him you were really ashamed of your past and wanted to forget about it, but now that your past appears to be coming back in this way, you feel its necessary to talk about it. Good luck.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Sit him down now and tell him... or maybe write it in a letter if that is easier - keep telling him - beginning, middle and end - how you would rather forget about it and you are not proud - even embarrased ... sort of explain why you haven't disclosed any of it to him! This is pretty tough, cause I'm sure he will be hurt that you didn't trust him enough to tell him...so make sure you explain how you feel about it!!! Make sure you don't leave anything out this time - especailly if his cousing comes into the picture - you don't want any surprises!
Good Luck! Hopefully he will understand and you guys can move on happily!
I used to be a dancer and now what? First congrats on being drug free dance free for 7 years. I thhink it will be hard to tell your husband but it was 7 years ago thats a long time ago so he knows you wont go back. Tell him you are ashamed and never wanted to tell him or look back on it but now that his cousin will be around the subject came up and u wanted to be the one to tell him. GOOD LUCK. If he gets mad and doesnt want u which i doubt tell him to F off your not like that anymore and if hes gonna get mad then tell him you should have kept it a secret!
I used to be a dancer and now what? Be honest.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Become an activist and protect the US Constitution.
The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either.
Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)
http://www.fi.edu/franklin/
Live free or die
I used to be a dancer and now what? Wow, I wouldnt like to be in your situation, but the BEST and HONORABLE thing to do would be to tell him the truth. I know it's hard, but nothing comes easy when its the best thing to do. Im sorry youre going through this, but hey, that is your past and in the past it should stay. If your husband wants to accept it, then good, if not then hes not for you.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Time to sit him down and explain your past. It will be better coming from you than from his cousin. He may be mad but he will be even madder if he has to hear it from someone else.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Hey sweetie. You have to tell him. Do not let him find out when you guys meet. You just need to sit him down and have a heart to heart. Tell him, you have been stressing over this for a while and you need to tell him. Tell him everything that pertains to the story. You dont have to tell him EVERYTHING. That will just overwhelm him. There are things in every persons past that they are not proud of and they do not want to come out. It just so happens, this has to come out for you.
Hope this helps
I used to be a dancer and now what? well if he knows you ... you can tell him .. he may be unset.. but just tell him you love him .. he will get over it i am sure as you have been good to him and he know it.. good luck.. so just tell him and it should be fine
I used to be a dancer and now what? Tell him that you have some skeletons from your past when you were a different person, someone you weren't proud of and will never be again.
Then he'll want more details. But instead of giving the details ask him to think about if he REALLY wants to know, and if he can really keep the past where it belongs - in the past if you tell him and ask him to think about it for at least a day.
At least if he wants to know, you've set the stage and he should be at least a little prepared for it and in a place where he is prepared before you tell him to accept it. If he doesn't want to know if your cousin starts to bring it up, you can tell him that the past is the past and your husband doesn't want to know.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Honesty is the best policy. Sit down and talk to him. Tell him everything this time so he will know. He will be hurt, and he won't trust you for a while but that is the only way out. Love can conquer all things believe me I know from experience. Just be sure to tell him everything so this will never happen again.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Tell him the honest truth. Start out with something nice, but not over the top or anything that will break the bank. Maybe work extra hard to cook, clean, and please him. Then sit down with him and tell him that you were trying real hard to please him the last 3-4 days so you can bring out something else you think he should be aware of. Then tell him everything. Don't tell him about one drug now and then wait till the rest comes up 6 months later. Get it all off your chest now. Tell him he can ask any question he wants and you will honestly answer it and you have always been that way, you were just embarrassed to bring up some of the past that did not need to be brought up, until you heard about this guy. His response might not be the highest peak in your relationship, but the alternatives are worse. He may actually know and is just trying to get you to admit to it. Good luck!
I used to be a dancer and now what? ur situation doesnt sound so bad,he married u already ,so 4 better or worse he should understand.this ex was someone in ur past and u have moved away from that life.tell ur husband ,i think he will understand ,if ur husband loves u, he will not judge u .
I used to be a dancer and now what? you have to be honest, but expect an argument. he has a right to be upset, but knowing you're drug-free now should help him get over it. plus, if his cousin has dealt with this and he's supportive of his recovery, he should be able to offer you the same support and understanding. but don't be surprised if it takes a while. as far as his cousin being an ex, i really don't know what you do about that. try to make things as uncomfortable as possible by being cordial but not over-friendly. and make sure your husband knows he's an ex before the cousin shows up. you have six months, but don't wait until the last minute. the sooner you talk to your husband, the better. it'll give him more time to rebuild his trust and faith in you.
I used to be a dancer and now what? You and your mistakes are not the same. Maybe you made some wrong choices in the past, but they don't identify with you. You are what you plan to be and the fact that you stayed away from drugs for seven years show that you want to be something different.
Your husband married you, not your past. People DO change, and noone has the right to judge you because noone was in your place in that moment of your life. My advice is...if you are positive that the meeting with your husband't cousin can't be avoided..you should tell him before that moment about what happened in the past, without emphasizing anything..".Listen..I never told you, because it is a part of my past that I want to forget,, and I am not so proud of, but I used to know your cousin, yeas ago, because I had the same problem as he has now."Keep your head up and be proud that you succeeded in what a lot of people can't....
my sister is a drug addict..she is completely out of control and we can't do anything to help her because she refuses any help...I pray to God that years from now, I will see her being a good mother and wife as your are now.
Remember...you don't have to be ashamed of anything. be proud for being one of the winners of this drug battle...the drug addiction is an illness and only the taugh ones can get through it and return to a normal life.
Don't mention your husband about the fact that his cousin is your ex..THIS might get him mad....
I used to be a dancer and now what? Be the first to tell your husband, that way there's no surprises.
I used to be a dancer and now what? Uhm. My answer is not morally correct but here it is. De Nile aint just a river in Egypt. Listen to me: YOU DONT KNOW HIS COUSIN!. If his cousin says you do, he is LYING. *winkwink*. Maybe try not to be around when the cousin comes to visit. Bottom line, he knew you were no angel, he will wonder wth else you are lying about ( or didnt tell him). Bad. Everything is not going to come out if you dont let it. Deny. Deny. Deny. Lying was fine for 2 yrs. It will be fine for another 50. Live on and be happy. ;)
I used to be a dancer and now what? Wow! You only have about 6 months to mention that you may have known his cousin. Good Luck...........
